


Nightmares & Dreams

by Polarnacht



Series: Quick & Dirty [3]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Battle, Dreams and Nightmares, Hopeful Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Killing, Light Angst, M/M, parabatai love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-03
Updated: 2021-01-03
Packaged: 2021-03-13 14:22:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 576
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28529877
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Polarnacht/pseuds/Polarnacht
Summary: Jace is not sure if his nightmares or his dreams are worse. All he knows is that he is safe with Alec.
Relationships: Alec Lightwood/Jace Wayland
Series: Quick & Dirty [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2056596
Comments: 6
Kudos: 33





	Nightmares & Dreams

**Author's Note:**

> Written in 20 minutes for a writing game and the prompt: Dreams

Jace closes his eyes, giving briefly in to his body that demands rest. He tries to breathe even and steady, to keep his mind blank while he takes these few moments of quietness. To keep the nightmares at bay. But also the dreams. Because Jace doesn’t know what is worse. The nightmares or the dreams. The nightmares of blood and death. Of his father, who has never been his true father, dying. Of himself dying. Or the dreams of the man he could be if his father had been a real one. Of falcons that were allowed to fly and not born to be broken. 

When Jace opens his eyes, he thinks he has the answer. It’s the dreams that are worse, as they fade too easily into nightmares the moment you let yourself believe in them. Dreams fool your mind like nightmares never do. They make you think of a better place, a better world. A better self.

“Ready?” Jace looks at the small group of Shadowhunters he has under his command and they all nod, as he expects them to. Even if they weren’t, they would attack anyway. As this is what they do. This is what they are all born to do. Attack. Fight. Kill.

On his sign they urge forward, throwing themselves against their opponents. Endarkened Shadowhunters that lost their souls but still carry the faces of loved ones. Of brothers and sisters, of husbands and wives. Friends. Even Parabatai.

When Jace’s blade slits the throat of his enemy and his face is covered in his blood, he doesn’t even wipe it away, being too used to the feeling. The metallic taste that meets his tongue is as familiar as his morning coffee. When Jace fights, he doesn’t need to think. He just does. He just is. The killer his father forged him into. The warrior the Clave urged him to be. The soldier the Lightwoods made him to. When he fights, he asks himself if he is more or if he is just that. At least, he is good in what he does. The best. And what does it say about you if you are the best killer in generations? Jace chooses not to think about it. But at least, they win. 

When Jace enters his room in the Institute, he doesn’t bother to shower. He just shrugs out of his torn and blood-stained gear, letting his weapons fall to the ground where he stands. He doesn’t care that he is still dirty and bloody. He just slips under the cover where he is met with familiar arms that pull him instantly close. Soft lips find his face, pressing gentle kisses to his cheeks. His nose. His lips. Also not caring that the blood of their enemies still lingers there. 

“You’re home,” Alec whispers and that is all that matters. As it is not a given. Now more than ever, with Jonathan Morgenstern and his endarkened army waging war. 

Jace allows his eyes to slide shut, pressing closer to Alec. To the warmth only he can provide. Alec’s arms tighten around Jace to a point it nearly hurts. That is the moment Jace allows himself to drift off to sleep. Because Alec will keep the nightmares at bay. But also the dreams. Because with Alec, he feels that he is more than the killer his father shaped him into. With Alec, he is also a lover. With Alec, he is safe.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and kudos are loved


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